Carol Balizet Cult: 13. Comments On Discipline by Carol Balizet

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Comments On Discipline

by Carol Balizet

I often say that I consider the most serious problem in America today the failure to discipline children. I say that the problem is in both the world and the church - and it is - but only the church has the answer.

Using our God-given authority

I often say that I consider the most serious problem in America today the failure to discipline children. I say that the problem is in both the world and the Church - and it is - but only the Church has the answer. The world of course has a different god and therefore a different source of truth, and their condition is pretty much hopeless. The world - as always - walks in deception. The world believes that children should be allowed free reign, their wills should never be thwarted and of course they should always "feel; good about themselves." The goal in the world is to elevate, affirm, develop and strengthen the self life of the child. To accomplish this, they have liberal, New Age schools, courts and activists working to establish children's rights, psychology, counseling, drugs for an increasing number of cases. They have the counsel of the ungodly, the way that seemeth right to a man, decisions made by carnal minds, and authority based on worldly education rather than on the call and anointing of God. And so, of course, it fails miserably. These children are unprepared for life: confused, angry, poorly educated, victimized by peer pressure, full of fears, deflowered and defiled by rampant Hedonism, deprived of truth and far too often they're suicidal or homocidal.

We in the Kingdom have the truth; as the children of God, we always have the answers. At least the answers are available to us; we can discover what God says about discipline, and receive from the Lord the enabling to obey Him. This will produce victory. Our God, who conceived the role of Parent, knows how to do it perfectly. He tells us in His Word how He feels about the subject; He makes clear what works and what doesn't. This is not a hidden, esoteric, mysterious subject. God has told us what to do, and if we do it the result is children who are godly, obedient, peaceful, secure, cheerful, loving and wise. And they're safe even in the midst of this wicked and perverse generation. Unfortunately, in most cases the Church follows the world into its error, believing what the world says instead of what God says. They do what the world does, and therefore they live outside the blessings of God just as the world does. (You're not going to live in kingdom blessings if your source of truth is the god of this world.)

For the most part, the Church seems to have been eating from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil; they've bought the lie of the world that it is abusive to use physical discipline. They relate to their children as though God had never spoken on the subject. But He has spoken, and He makes it clear in His word that this one particular action - this act of corporal punishment, hitting the child with a rod - is the surest and final proof of both love and of kinship. (Hebrews 12). We have only to look at our society and see what their methods have produced. Because they believe a lie, and raise their children according to their own understanding rather than obeying God's rules, their families are in disorder, their children are in chaos and our country is fast approaching anarchy. What they do doesn't work. It never works. Man, without the truth of God, will be deceived, living in error. So, let's take a look at what God says. That's bound to work, since whatever he says is always perfectly true.

What God says about discipline

The discipliner of children is probably the most important role we have, outside that of Worshiper. Abraham was called by God because of his correctness in this area: "For; I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgment; that the Lord may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him." (Genesis 18:19) and Eli was deposed because of his failure: "...and; [you] honourest thy sons above me, to make yourselves fat with the chiefest of all the offerings of Israel my people? ... Behold, the days come, that I will cut off thine arm, and the arm of thy father's house, that there shall not be an old man in thine house." (1 Samuel 2:29,31)

In the New Testament, having our children in subjection is a requirement for leadership in the Church. Paul said so to Timothy: "This; [is] a true saying, If a man desire the office of a bishop, he desireth a good work.... One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity; (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)" (1 Timothy 3:1,4,5) He repeats this admonition to Titus: "For; this cause left I thee in Crete, that thou shouldest set in order the things that are wanting, and ordain elders in every city, as I had appointed thee: If any be blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of riot or unruly." (Titus 1:5,6)

And He tells us what happens to children who are not brought under submission to authority: "If; a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and [that], when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them: Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place; And they shall say unto the elders... This our son [is] stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; [he is] a glutton, and a drunkard. And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear. (Deuteronomy 21:18 - 21) This is how God feels about rebellious children. (He says nothing at all about their self-esteem.)

God tells us in His Word how He feels about this subject; He is emphatic that the discipline of children is required of parents, and He makes clear what works and what doesn't work. What God says works is to apply a rod, to drive out the spirit of foolishness which is bound up in every human being from the womb. Reasoning, entreating, seeking cooperation, bribing, waiting and hoping he'll grow out of it, threatening, giving "time; out", making deals, placating - none of this kind of thing will work to correct the real problem, which is not the child's behavior, but his heart of rebellion. Let me repeat that: we are not disciplining merely to control behavior, but to bring the child's soul under submission. (A very godly man I know, with five beautifully behaved children, once said this: "As; adults, our children will obey God just about as well as they obey us as children - unless and until the Lord deals with them with His rod.)" We as parents are God's best instruments to teach the child to yield to higher authority. If he learns to yield to US, it's easier for him to yield to God when the Holy Spirit calls him to salvation.

Remember, an unbroken will cannot enter heaven

Here are a few "bullets;" to chew on:

God says children are either disciplined or stoned. If we don't discipline them, life will. If life doesn't, they get stoned.
The greatest enemy of our child's sanctity is his self will. As soon as we see it rise, we must crush it. (The will, the "spirit; of foolishness", the thing that sits on the throne of his life. Not his personality, his creativity, his initiative, his spirit.)
The beginning of "Ichobod;" - which is death as well as the loss of glory - is unruly children. Eli's whole family suffered death and loss because he failed to obey God in this area. (I Samuel 3-5)
A child cannot be spoiled by affection. He is spoiled by a lack of discipline.
Everything the child needs to consign him to hell is present within him when he is born. If he never sees a Disney movie, never watches television, never plays with a public school pupil, never reads a comic book, he will still go to hell unless he yields to the Lordship of Jesus Christ. And the best way to assure ourselves that he will yield to God is to be darn sure that he yields to us now.
A lack of discipline produces not just rebellion - it also produces anger in the child. "And;, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." (Ephesians 6:4). We see the choice, Godly discipline or anger.
If the child never sees a parent who punishes, he will find it hard to believe in a God who sends people to hell. But our God does send people to hell, and every human being alive needs to know this. Actions, attitudes and beliefs all have consequences.
We reflect God to our children. We must be as firm against sin as God is. He never says things like, "He;'s just tired" or "It;'s late and he's hungry".; Sin is sin whether we're tired or not.
We can teach our children to be still and quiet. In a world of noise and busyness, it's a marvelous thing to see a child who can possess his soul in patience.
God gives no contentment to a rebel; neither should we.
Unbroken wills go to hell - it's flesh and flesh cannot inherit the Kingdom. The sooner the will is broken, the easier it is - on everybody!
Knowing that something is forbidden will not stop a child from doing it; knowing that he will feel pain if he does it will stop him.
The first two commands a child must learn to obey are "Stop" and "Come; Here" and that's because those are the first two things God teaches us.
True child abuse is a parent's failure to obey God about how we should raise this child.
A quote from Jacquline Kennedy Onassis, something she said right before her death: "If; you fail with your children, nothing else you do really matters at all".; This woman is not a usual source for me (and we would almost certainly disagree about what constitutes "failing; with your children") but she had it dead right on this!
No one wants to live in a world that's run by a two year old. And that includes the two year old! He is screaming to his parents, "Don;'t let me be in charge!"

Discipline defined

Discipline means love. "...; My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: For whom the lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons. Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected [us], and we gave [them] reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live? For they verily for a few days chastened [us] after their own pleasure; but he for [our] profit, that [we] might be partakers of his holiness. Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby." (Hebrews 12:5-11)

Affection, provision, sacrifice, companionship - all these and more are also love. But God says very little about that; He doesn't need to. He knows that is pretty much instinctive, and parents who don't feel tenderness and affection for their children are an aberration. It is natural to give this kind of love. It's the other side of love which God talks about so much. The discipline: training and punishment. He knows that this is not instinctive, not comfortable. Usually parents either over-chasten, fail to chasten, or feel guilty when they chasten. It takes a renewed mind, it takes having the mind of Christ, for an American parent to discipline the way God tells us to. But this is not optional. God requires it.

How's it working for you now

How are we doing so far? We can check out the compliance we receive from our children. We ask ourselves: do they come the first time they're called? Do they obey completely, with a good attitude? Do they comply outwardly but harbor resentment within? Do they honor us? Do they walk in our spirit? Do they talk too much? Listen too little? Are hey selfish? Proud? Angry? Lazy? Deceitful? Are they producing fruit?

Now, let's ask the questions about ourselves, in our relationship to our heavenly Parent. How quickly do I obey? Do I obey completely, with a good attitude? Do I comply outwardly but harbor resentment within? Do I honor God? Do I walk in His spirit? Do I talk too much? Listen too little? Am I selfish? Proud? Angry? Lazy? Deceitful? Am I producing fruit? In most cases I've seen, there is a strong similarity between parent and child. Our behavior toward God is almost certainly parallel to our children's obedience to us. Scary, isn't it?

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Some suggestions

In case you think there might be room for improvement, here are some insights I've gleaned over the years. (And oh, how I wish I could re-live those days when my children were young, and do it better! My precious girls are all Godly, Christian women who live full and happy lives, but they paid a price for my failure to obey God fully in this area.)

There are two stages in instructing a child. First is training; we bring him to a point of submission to the will of another. Submission can be defined as recognizing that there is an authority which has the right to tell us what to do. The Scriptural word is hupotasso, and literally means, "Set; yourself in order under".; We realize there is someone in a position of authority over us, and we willingly take our place under this authority, submitted to that higher will. This step is comparable to salvation - recognizing the authority of God and yielding to that authority. (My sister always resisted the pat phrase about salvation: usually it's referred to as "accepting;" Jesus. She always made a point of saying, "Do; you surrender your life to Jesus?" A bit more demanding than a passive acceptance, and I think a good deal more correct.) This stage of submission is essential; to define the role of the authority and the role of the one who yields. Without the recognition of God's proper position over us - and of course over everything else - it's hard to surrender our wills. In actuality, it is almost impossible to obey if we have never submitted. I think I'd like to repeat that; the concept is so important. We will find it almost impossible to obey if we have never submitted.

So we begin with training, and no real understanding is required. We can train a dog not to get on the couch; he may not know anything about the dirt on his paws, about the cost of cleaning a sofa, about the smell of dog hair - he just knows he gets swatted if he gets on the furniture. And a human baby of six to eight months is as smart as a dog. (I know mine were!) We don't have to wait till he can reason to teach him the basics.

Cause and effect

We teach him cause and effect: if I do this, then that will happen to me. This is not a random universe! There is a repercussion from every decision; a consequence follows every action. Our lives consist of the harvests we are reaping from what we have sown in the past. (Or from what our ancestors sowed, but that concept goes beyond the scope of this writing.) God always allows us choice, but He then requires us to walk out the results of our choice. We can begin teaching this truth to our children very early. The truth of cause and effect: if I do this, then that will happen to me. If I scream in anger, I will feel pain. If I twist away from Mama while she's changing my diaper, I will feel pain. If I bite my big sister, I will feel pain. If I throw my food on the floor, I will feel pain. He learns early the peril of wrong choices.

The rod against foolishness

It's interesting to study the word "rod;" in Scripture. It has a wealth of meaning: it was what Moses held in his hand to part the Red Sea; it brought comfort to David; and it's the instrument the Manchild shall use to rule the nations. It matters to God that we use an implement and not our hands. God tells us to use a rod to drive out the spirit of foolishness. The rod is the Scriptural sign of authority, and in the natural realm, in the case of children, the rod is usually a little stick. (A paint stirrer is perfect.) God commands us to use it against the spirit of foolishness. This "foolishness;" which is bound up in his heart doesn't mean the child is silly, or lacking in wisdom. It means that he says in his heart, "There; is no God".; "The; fool hath said in his heart, [There is] no God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, [there is] none that doeth good." (Psalms 14:1) A child who has not been disciplined will believe either, "There; is no God", or he will believe "I; am God".;

Understanding the underlying principles

So the first stage of discipline is bringing him to the point of submission: teaching him what we require of him and what will happen to him if he doesn't provide it. This equates to the law - our rules and requirements - and its goal is to "bring; him to Christ".; (Galatians 3:24) I mean by this that the child becomes aware of our underlying principles. He knows the spirit and goals and guidelines behind the rules, and can extrapolate from his past experience how to behave in new circumstances. The law has been "written; on his heart".;

Here's a situation to illustrate this point. I am often a house guest during my various speaking engagements, and the families with whom I stay are invariably gracious and welcoming. And they really want things to run smoothly, so that I am not offended. But it often happens that the children do something that really embarrasses the parents, and I don't mind at all. It adds to my "data; base" about Christian families, and it keeps things from getting boring. This particular episode occurred under these circumstances. While the adults visited in the living room, the five year old spent some time in the bathroom exercising his creative powers. First he made a mixture of tooth paste, shampoo, hair gel and after-shave lotion. Then he stirred it together till it was smooth, and carefully applied this concoction to the walls. He spent a long time at it, and did it with more skill than you might imagine. And it made a perfectly ghastly mess. Then an older sister discovered what was happening, called in the parents, and the finger-painting stopped. Immediately. There followed a discussion of what - if anything - was an appropriate response to this re-decorating. The mother defended the little guy; she said that he had never been told not to make a mixture of various cosmetics and then apply it to the walls. Because it did not involve an act of deliberate disobedience, she thought he should be excused with a reprimand and a warning. The father, however, was adamant that the child needed an swift application of the rod. As he put it, "He; should have known that we wouldn't like it. He didn't even consider our reaction before he started mixing things up, and that deserves a spanking. He needs to learn, since he obviously doesn't know, that he must always consider us - how we feel and how we will react - before he acts." I think God agreed with the father. We must learn always to consider God's point of view before we act.This is "walking; in His Spirit" and it's a part of what's learned through training.

The second stage of punishment

When the child has learned this, and he recognizes the higher authority, then we are ready for the second stage. The first stage is training to produce submission. The second stage is punishment to produce obedience.

With all good intentions, each child will require chastening. Even Jesus had to "learn;" obedience, though He never sinned. "Though; he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered..." (Hebrews 5:8). This point came up at one of our meetings. One father was bragging on his 14 year old daughter, and he made the statement, "We;'ve never had to spank her. She's never done anything wrong." The fellow he was boasting to didn't even hesitate; he came right back: "That; means your standards are too low."

Training with the rod and punishment with the rod may appear to be the same, but they differ in this: training corrects mistakes while punishment is the antidote for sin. If sin is a parallel to sickness, then the rod brings a cure. It takes away the guilt.

Deliverance from guilt

One fundamental purpose of discipline is to relieve the child of his guilt. To withhold its cleansing and restoration is a genuine deprivation. The Bible tells us: "...; if I depart, I will send him [the Comforter] unto you. And when he is come, he will reprove the world of sin, and of righteousness, and of judgment..." (John 16:7,8) Notice, the Holy Spirit is convicting the world, not just the Church, of sin, righteousness and judgment. When a person sins, lost or saved, there is a reproof from the Holy Spirit. No matter what lies and deceptions mask and excuse the sinful nature of our thoughts, words, acts - if they constitute sin, then the Holy Spirit responds. Thus the sinner is informed that he has done a wrong thing, and that he must either be restored to righteousness or there will be judgment. Most people are so hardened in conscience that they are hardly aware of this ministry of the Holy Spirit, but it does take place: the Bible says so.

Now there are only three things we can do with guilt. We can be forgiven; or we can be punished (and that cleanses us from that specific sin); or we can carry the guilt. And that's what almost always happens - the sin remains - because very few people recognize sin as sin. In the world today, at least in America, there is no longer even a concept of sin. There are "mistakes;", "inappropriate; behavior", "counter-productive; actions", "immaturity;", "political; incorrectness" "insensitivity;", even "being; unprofessional".; But sin? Not in modern America. Most people cover any awareness of sin under piles of fig leaves; hiding their sinfulness behind a veil of deception, diversion, busyness and dead works. And their guilt piles higher and deeper, because they are neither forgiven nor punished. The best solution is to be forgiven, but that option is open only to Christians. Until our children come into the Kingdom, and become partakers of the benefits of the Atonement, there is no divine forgiveness. The Bible tells us clearly that only God can forgive sins. "But; there were certain of the scribes sitting there, and reasoning in their hearts; why doth this [man] thus speak blasphemies? who can forgive sins but God only?" (Mark 2:7) (And actually, it's possible to make the case that God is the only true victim of sin as well as being the only ultimate Forgiver.) Despite David's adultery, his connivance with Joab to kill Uriah, and his other offenses against people, he says to God, " For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin [is] ever before me. Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done [this] evil in thy sight..." (Psalms 51:3,4)

I say again, since we are the authority of God over our children, we must handle this situation - the sin question - same way He does; and that means we must not cover a sin, excuse a sin, hide a sin, re-label a sin, condone a sin, ignore a sin - and we must not forgive unrepented sin.If the child is not truly repentant; if he does not confess the sin, and firmly determine never to repeat it, then we cannot forgive. So that leaves only punishment.

More about punishment

Our children will carry the weight of their sins until they are either forgiven or punished; and until they have learned to repent, there is only punishment to set them free from the weight and oppression of guilt. And it's a cruel thing to force a child to carry guilt. Some children I know are carrying the guilt for years and years of rebellion. They are miserable; and they are angry! God warns parents about this: "And;, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." (Ephesians 6:4). We've all felt the blessed relief which comes when sin is purged, the guilt gone, and we bask in the glory of restoration to our Father. We're "white;, clean white inside" and our soul delights in untroubled serenity. We see the same phenomenon in our children when we have spanked them. They are free of that unbearable weight of sin unatoned, restored to right-standing, full of peace.

And how many Christian parents consistently and repeated deprive their children of this release, because of their own disobedience? God knows what is best for His children, and He says chastening will yield "the; peaceable fruit of righteousness".; (Hebrews 12:11) We must not wait till he's a teenager and the heavyweight problems of sex, drugs, satanic music and peer-dependance add to his unabated natural rebellion. If he disobeys, we punish him. In that way he is instructed, restored, free of guilt. How can we deny him this blessing?

Purpose

All this focus on discipline - both training and punishment - is to teach the child about God. If done consistently and properly, over the long haul it will:

Teach our children to obey God
Render them fit for society, and eventually for heaven
Develop their character
Demonstrate the fact of cause and effect: "This; behavior will result in a consequence
Teach them about God
Teach us as well (Ratio of child:us = we:God)
Be transferable, and make it easier for him to accept God's dealings
Make spiritual dominion possible because we're under authority

To summarize, we must teach our children how the Lord responds to sin. He hates it; His eyes are too pure to even look on it; He never simply disregards it or overlooks it. He doesn't pretend it doesn't exist, and He doesn't make up reasons why it's okay for us to disobey Him. Sin is a very big deal to Him, and He paid a tremendous price to give us a way out of its dominion over us. We must agree with God that discipline is good, or we won't receive it from Him or give it to our children and we all suffer from this enormous disobedience, and so does the Lord. The sooner our children learn the truth about sin, the better, because they are living in a culture which says that there is no sin. In this, as in everything else, the world is wrong. Sin does exist, God does hate it, and those who have not been forgiven shall be punished. At some point, they will learn to their horror that sin is very real, and that those who refused His route to forgiveness shall surely be punished. The Book says, "And; the smoke of their torment ascendeth up for ever and ever: and they have no rest day nor night..." (Revelation 14:11)

Other areas of dominion

In our ministry to home birth couples, we've seen that the discipline of children is extremely important to success. Unruly children are a proof of rebellion in the parents: God commands that we discipline, and to disobey this commandment is rebellion. And rebels have very little power to move God. We saw fairly early that recognizing and accepting the fact that God requires us to exert authority indicates spiritual maturity and power in an individual. Not recognizing and accepting this fact will seriously hinder growth in the Lord.

And our children are only one of the areas where we should be applying discipline. This concept was confirmed and expanded by what one of our men learned.

He was in a supermarket one day, and he noticed a very harried woman trying to deal with three or four young children. They were totally out of control, screaming, grabbing, shoving, pulling things off the shelves and fighting each other. She was slapping at them ineffectually, yelling, threatening, but making no real impact on their behavior. Our friend stood watching, appalled at the sight, then the Lord said to him: "She; can't control demons, either." We found this a fascinating comment; but did it reflect a pattern? Was it an observation about this one woman, or could we conclude from it that anyone who's unable to control their children is likewise unable to rule evil spirits? And after many years of considering the situation, from a position of far greater experience, I really believe the answer is "Yes!"

We know from Romans 1:20 that one of the ways we can know about the spirit realm is by observing the natural realm: "For; the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made..." What is invisible, beyond the veil, beyond the "glass;" of 1 Corinthians 13 through which we see "darkly;", this unseen realm can be "clearly; seen" if we study and understand the visible "things; which are made".;

So I believe, with a good deal of experience to confirm my opinion, that we can accurately assess a person's competence to exercise spiritual authority by determining how consistently and well he exercises natural authority. In short, I don't think a person's dominance of demons (or weather, or illness, or sin) will be greater than his control over his children. The natural realm is always easier. You can see the rod, see the effects, judge your success by sight and not just by faith.

There was an exchange on this subject at one of our meetings and the conversation sums up what we believe. We were ministering to a couple who'd had a scare at their last birth, which had been in a hospital. There had been a fairly serious hemorrhage and this history had been a source of fear to them. The husband was especially concerned, knowing that in a Zion Birth - in theory at least - our only weapon is our reliance on God. If she began to bleed heavily at home, there would be no human experts, no blood transfusions, no sutures, no IVs, no Pitocin. He asked us, with just a bit of attitude showing, "Do; you mean to tell me that if my wife starts bleeding, all I can do is rebuke it?" The answer he got was: "Yes.; And it will obey you exactly as well as your two year old does." That got a reaction from almost everybody present. If that's true - and I believe it is - then no wonder the church is so powerless!

Carol Balizet Cult

Wednesday, November 8, 2023

13. Comments On Discipline by Carol Balizet